Confessions, testimony and witness of Bill Fields,

In 1945 a very abused girl, age 13, thought she found love from a 26 year old soldier who raped her and she became pregnant. The soldier was put in jail for his crime-what today would be called criminal sexual assault, she would not  be his last sexual abuse victim.

Several months after the baby boy's birth the soldier and girl were forced to marry in order for the soldier to be released from jail. By her 20th birthday she had three children. The children were physically and emotionally abused and physically beaten and terrorized the remainder of their time at home by their mom-today's law would put her in jail and put the children up for adoption.

The boy at age three was Homo-sexually abused repeatedly by a baby sitter, and later beginning at age ten was sexually abused for years by his dad, as were his two sisters-the dad would sexually abuse his daughters well into their twenties and thirties. The boy was considered mentally slow and quite withdrawn which resulted in average to poor grades in school and was a constant target for gang beatings and harassment. The family was poor and choosing religion over Christ (they were church leaders in the Southern Baptist denomination), exercised little opportunity to escape their vicious and destructive life. I am that illegitimate boy.

My Dad  (Passed Away 1992)  Not having Biblically repented from his sexual sins molesting children and though a registered sex offender the Southern Baptist supported his continuing leadership in various capacities within the "church" including working with the youth.  My Dad died of prostate cancer unreconciled.

One sister died from an aids related disease after many years of promiscuous sexual conduct with multiple husbands and sexual partners all the while being a "leader" in many Southern Baptist "churches".

My youngest sister,(Thank you Lord, she appears to have Repented)  

My mom (Passed Away May 2011)  never Biblically repented of her violent physical and emotional abuse nor her sexual sins and to this day continues in cooperation of her daughter's ungodliness while covering themself with "it's only between God and me" both past and present, self-righteousness. Because she is alive-sharing her story "telling it to the church" is a continuing invitation to get right with God, which by the way she thinks she is right with God according to the Southern Baptist teachings and practices she was and is taught. All attempts to Biblically care for her have to date been rejected. Mom continues in leadership in a Southern Baptist Church-and she says the leadership does not know and did not ask.

I dearly love my family and seek their repentance.  To see and speak with them you would think them among the most faithful.

I began down that same sinful hypocrisy when by God's grace I was rebuked by the Holy Spirit to choose God or choose my flesh...that day began my repentance...

In 1964  I began the life long process of renewing my mind and building my faith in Jesus Christ. I dedicated myself to Biblical interpersonal problem solving and conflict resolution. Unfortunately my first steps led me into the bondage of being a Pharisee. The Bible and the church became a source of information and performance behaviors rather than a life giving relationship with God, myself and others, through Jesus Christ.

In the law, I grew to be a leader in the Church by serving in every imaginable capacity, while never knowing God's peace and love in my life. I was a Pharisee and thought I was Godly - I was wrong and very depressed. My private life reflected my desperate choices to stop the pain and quiet my raging fears. By God's grace and mercy, the Holy Spirit began renewing my mind through an honest heart, allowing God's Spirit to heal my hurts and correct my thinking and beliefs. God's loving healing is wonderful and I now share my Hope that I receive from Christ with hurting people.

I wish my journey toward righteousness didn't have it's sinful effects and consequences on my family, (married in 1966, and now my wife currently rejects Christianity after years of attempting to win her to the Lord-and is currently not pleased to live with me-1 Corinthians 7, and two of my three grown children plus my wife, profoundly reject God-living unrepentant in open public sin). I can say, through my continued healing, Jesus Christ gives hope to us all. Life is not a problem to be solved, but is our opportunity to demonstrate that Christ invites and promises each person (my family included) a healing and reconciliation with God, ourselves and others, for those who love HIM. I see HIS hand in my family everyday, Praise HIM. I Thank God ...

My family needs healing from my sins.  I weep for the pain and suffering my sins, my ignorance, my immaturity, wrapped in my self willfulness and flesh inflected injury and harm upon those I love.  As I look back over these so many years, I wish I knew then what God has so graciously and mercifully shown me today.  Their wounds are real and need God's Holy Spirit's love, cleansing and comfort. They are constantly in my prayers as we work out Christ's reconciliation in our lives.

No person, no family escapes Satan's warfare; there are always sins-falling short of God's best, due to our immaturity, our fleshly ways and thoughts.  Every family member has wounds received regardless of the other's intent-good or bad, and for those who love God, HE uses our wounds for good when Satan means it for evil.  My family and your family are no different except as we allow God's Holy Spirit to regenerate our heart of stone into a heart of  brokenness, contrition, Godly sorrow, repentance, and restitution, united in Christ, growing in Christ's love toward oneanother.

I give you this testimony as record of God's Mercy and Grace--I have no special insights or unique basis to give my advice or opinion, they are worthless. My journey does not qualify me for the ministry. It's just my truth of who I was and who I am, trying, by God's grace, to be different-- in love and respect of Jesus Christ to God's Glory-Christ is all the truth we need.  The following verse are true of me...

COL 3:-17" Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory. Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. Because of these, the wrath of God is coming. You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator.

COL 3:11 Here there is no Greek or Jew, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave or free, but Christ is all, and is in all.

COL 3:12 Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. The Holy Bible, New International Version Copyright (C) 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission.

My ministry experience began as a Specialist in Army Neuro-Psychiatric & Social Work, stateside during the Viet Nam war. Next, as a Christian independent business consultant, I continued a private practice in crisis counseling, and designed a seminar that dealt with interpersonal problems in the family and corporate settings. This led to seminars nationwide.

I worked for many National and International Christian organizations as a consultant in Interpersonal Communications. Now as I grow in union with God I share in building Christian Brotherhood through Biblical fellowship, evangelism, crisis counseling and reconciliation through a mission outreach called PeaceMakers International.

Only by God's grace has my journey given me a wide range of exposure and experiences that God uses to bring hope and peace in the difficult task of helping reconcile hurting people to God, self, and others in the severest of situations.

I have appeared as a guest on major television, and radio networks. I've hosted a weekly two hour radio program called The Real World. I occasionally do guest appearances on T.V. and Radio, as well as write and give interviews.

My educational studies include a Bachelors Degree in Psychology from Wheaton College, a Masters Degree in Interpersonal Communications from Wheaton Graduate School, Graduate studies in Conflict Resolution, and other specialized studies at the Post-Graduate level.

As a Christian (as are all Christians called to counsel according to God's Word-Romans 15:14, Colossians 3:16, Galatians 6:1), I am not without sin and short-comings. I have much to surrender to the Lordship of Jesus Christ. I am to be in submission to those who must give an account for the instruction, correction, reproof for training in righteous to be adequately equipped for every good work, 2 Timothy 3:16-17. I am a brother in Christ's service

As a Visiting/Field Training Professor I've taught Interpersonal Communications for colleges such as: Wheaton College, Wheaton Graduate School, Trinity College, Trinity Seminary, Olivet Nazareen University, National College of Education and Western Seminary.

Christian Life Magazine identified me as a ``Mighty for the Nineties," the kind of Christian that is reaching his generation for Jesus Christ-it's now 2000+ and by man's ways, I'm nothing. I pray the truth is, by God's Grace, asking Him to give me the desire only for HIM and the rest is up to my Lord.
 

Bill Fields August 1994 Public confession

My heart truly wants any barriers between us to be broken through Christ... In 1994 I was convicted by the Holy Spirit of the difference of the works of the flesh Vs the Spirit. I sent this confession to all I knew addresses for...

Some believed it--some didn't. Some held me completely responsible--some confessed their own sins...

Here is the confession I sent. I offer these thoughts for context: When God leads us to confess, it's not for us to qualify nor quantify what part of an exchange (100% to 1%) is our part.

August 1994

Recently I mailed a confession quite similar to this one to my known mailing list. I wanted this confession to you to be more personal. As I asked God to bring to mind those whom I specifically harmed this way you were impressed upon my heart. I am quite saddened by our broken relationship and pray frequently for our healing. I'm learning the difference from speaking God's Truth in love and boldness versus speaking truth from my flesh. I know I spoke the truth to you from my flesh. I was wrong!

As one you've supported as a Minister of Jesus Christ I'm writing to publicly confess my sins: When attempting to teach the seemingly unrepentant I have used "yelling, role playing, abusive imagery, profanity" (called psycho drama) and tactics based on fleshly powers that controlled and oppressed. I have not been meek, humble, nor gentle. I have stood in opposition to God and HIS work by the HOLY SPIRIT. My sin has given ground for Satan to mock Christ and lead some astray.

When rebuffed and/or disagreed with, rage and anger raised up within me, not peace. I've deceived myself into believing that I wanted to protect and save others from their sins and the severe consequences. This is a lie! God showed me that I didn't trust HIM. I wasn't trusting HIM to rightly execute the when's, where's, what's, and how's to birth spiritual insight in others.

I was trying to be God. I acted as though I knew what was best; That I loved better than He. God showed me I was protecting myself. I didn't want to be accused of being a poor counselor or of being afraid to incur wrath. I didn't want to be a failure and weak. I am selfish and self-protecting while claiming to love others more than myself. I lied! I confused!

Even as I type this letter my physical body is in great pain, struggling against repenting. These sins go deep within me. I have harmed many. I need your prayers.

Those in Spiritual Authority over me [both the board of PeaceMakers and spiritual men from outside our fellowship [have encouraged me to continue in this ministry. I recognize I have offended you and surrendered your trust in me. I understand and I am sorry. May God lead you.

By Christ's strength.
Bill Fields

P.S. The past's major value is to provide evidence/clues to heart issues that continue to disturb our walk of faith. For me I'd love to get together and fellowship in HIM, with you and anyone who comes in accordance to all of Matthew 18 with their heart focused on verse 20.
 

Using Good for Evil
http://www.peacemakers.net/unity/bfgnm.htm

PeaceMakers International, Inc.
stewards@peacemakers.net