I have just read through your "8 Steps" article 
(Eight Steps to Biblical Forgiveness), but I am still
unlcear how to handle the situation I have had confessed to me.

It involves a single woman in her mid-thirties living on her own that has
broken off a sexual relationship she has had with an unmarried pastor. 
She refuses to confide in her father and the pastor is still serving as a
teaching pastor.  They live in separate states.

She told me that because she has confessed her sin to God and some people
that know her and this pastor that her confession is complete.  She also
said she has repented and is now being restored.

I'm unclear, based upon your "8 steps", whether or not if she still needs
to confess to her father, the main pastor of the unmarried pastors church,
the elders in her church, etc.

Also, I'm not clear on the process of restititution is or what should be
in this situation and if true reconciliation can proceed without the
elders of your church being involved in that process or the authority of a
parent especially when a single person is involved.

Your Biblical counsel is much needed and prayerfully sought.

Thanks,

--------------------------------

Blessings ______, you are walking the often lonely foot steps of Christ...

Here are the Biblical principles and resultant steps of faith for the True Christian.

Every person within a local church is to be in submission to the oversight and biblical teachings and accounting of that Church's Elders. Heb. 13.  for added emphasis 

Hebrews 13:17 Obey your leaders and submit to their authority. They keep watch over you as men who must give an account. Obey them so that their work will be a joy, not a burden, for that would be of no advantage to you. NIV

Therefore each party either voluntarily goes with your witness and confesses before their authority or you go without them.

2 Corinthians 7:   for added emphasis 

2 Corinthians 7:9-12 9 Now I rejoice, not that ye were made sorry, but that ye sorrowed to repentance: for ye were made sorry after a godly manner, that ye might receive damage by us in nothing. 10 For godly sorrow worketh repentance to salvation not to be repented of: but the sorrow of the world worketh death. 11 For behold this selfsame thing, that ye sorrowed after a godly sort, what carefulness it wrought in you, yea, what clearing of yourselves, yea, what indignation, yea, what fear, yea, what vehement desire, yea, what zeal, yea, what revenge! In all things ye have approved yourselves to be clear in this matter. 

True repentance is very clear and easy to see and willing to do all possible to not sin again, not cast clouds on Christ, His Body the Church, etc.  A degree of reluctance can be normal but will be quickly overcome (the same session) with clear Biblical instruction on this passage. Any further reluctance is grounds to proceed without them.

Crossing state lines, city limits, other congregations does not alter the Biblical truths, on the contrary, it must assure such a confession is made, to all in Biblical authority; therefore her father, her elders, her pastor, his pastor.

I don't care what she/he said or says, if it's not in line with the Scriptures it's a continuation of the heart/flesh sins that led to their abomination. Paul is very clear Godly Sorrow leads to a full clearing of the matter and opens the gates for those in Spiritual authority to assist and keep watch that it's not repeated and brings repute upon Christ's name nor grieves the Holy Spirit.

OK that was the easy part:sigh 

 The real test for you will likely come upon you by those who profess Christ and sit in the seat of authority who don't know these principles, nor practice them, don't know how to disciple and don't have the time to walk with her/him in their daily walk and keep close watch over them-if that's true then they will turn on you in all manner of ways that upbraids you and your actions.  Here's the test of true Godly Leadership-they will first weep at their failure to know and care for these two. They will bless you for following in Christ's instructions. They will repent to he/him of their failure as those who must give an account. They will gird their loins for spiritual battle and ask for your help and prayers.They will confess their own sins before the congregation in their failure of spiritual leadership. They will preach sermons that set forth these spiritual truths and how they will be excercised within their congregation. If she/he is unrepentant they will announce a period of shunning with instrurutions in hopes she/he will repent. Upon Biblical repentance with Godly sorrow they will celebrate the lost sheep's return and make promise to walk worthy of God's calling in their life.

I will tell you, I've never seen this happen.

If her father is a Christian he will follow the above pattern set forth in Scripture. If he is not a Christian, you may explain these teachings and your Christian love and responsibility for her. 

You all are in our prayers, remembering our confessions of failure and thanking God for Christ's witness and the discipline that hurt for a while that increased our love for our Heavenly Father and gave new light in to redemption, mercy, grace, to sinners such as we.  Amen and Amen
 
 

First Contact Email:

I got one email address from your website, the other from Dave Treadwell’s email below.  Here is an outline of the issue.  Hopefully it will help a potential facilitator understand before s/he calls me.

XYZ has been on Light of Life’s staff for XX years.  He’s held many positions and was an important steadying influence in the midst of some chaotic times.  When I arrived in YYYY, he was serving as XXXXX  and held that position until YYYY, when I hired a new  BBBBB and XYZ moved to a newly created position of RRRRRRR..

At that time, we both understood that it was a temporary position, though neither of us set any dates.  Last summer I started to share with XYZ that the work assigned him was winding down, and that we had to start talking about his transition out of Light of Life.  Last YYYY we agreed that he would resign on YY/YY/YY, but that he would not have to work after YY/YY/YY (he would be paid for YY, YY and YY without showing up).  This agreement took the form of a letter of resignation from him requesting the 3 months of pay without work and my letter to him agreeing to the request.

Now his wife is pressing him to demand 9 month’s severance (to start YY/YY/YY) because he is being pushed out.  QUE (a former staff member herself) is telling him they (both of them) have sacrificed too much for too long.  I asked XYZ if we would be having this conversation if he already had a job lined up.  He said we absolutely would.  For QUE, it is a matter of principle, though I’m sure it’s also a matter of security.

I’ve told him he has put me in a difficult position.  This should have been dealt with last YY when we negotiated the separation.  If there are any changes, we now have to write legal documents that speak of “full and final agreement”.

I could simply say no—we have an agreement in writing.  I did not lay him off, saying there was no longer a need for a XXXXX, because I wanted to offer him the chance to leave “on his own terms”.  The risk of saying no is the problems we could have with other long-term staff, some of whom still feel I’m cleaning house…and they will be next.

I could agree to the request.  But I could have sent him on his way with a one year severance when I found a new BBBB.  It would have cost the Mission less if it had been handled that way.  But, I didn’t do so to save XYZ the embarrassment of being let go harshly after all those years of service.  Furthermore, I’m concerned about setting precedence—negotiating twice at separation—or other long term staff members offering to resign in exchange for severance.

I want to do the “right thing” and let God handle the consequences.  But I’m not sure what the right thing is. 

David G. Bugher 
Executive Director 
Light of Life Rescue Mission 

I am the Light of the world... 
In me you will have abundant Life  -Jesus 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: David Treadwell 
Sent: Sunday, April 06, 2008 8:17 PM
To: mail@peacemaker.net
Cc: Bugher, David
Subject: Conciliation Assistance

Greetings.  Our sister mission in Pittsburg, Light of Life Mission, is looking for assistance with a Christian conciliation effort in the personnel/employment field. Could you please recommend one or more facilitators they can contact for assistance?  I’ve shared our positive experiences with Ron Zabel and believe this is a situation where conciliation has a great opportunity for the parties to honor the Lord.
 

The contact is Executive Director David Bugher, email above, (412) 258-6150.  Thanks and blessings, Dave

David O. Treadwell
Executive Director
Central Union Mission
Washington, DC  20009

Contact information XYZ was received:

1. You are a ministry NOT a business. Your question is a business choice.
2. XYZ  made this ministry succeed to this point-if not for him there would be no question.
3. XYZ  & his wife gave their life for this ministry.
4. Even the business & military world would recognize their service and sacrifice and provide a pension and health benefits.
5. XYZ  and his wife are brothers and sisters in Christ having needs-you should choose accordingly.
6. You are reaping the rewards of their sacrifice-in 28 years how would you like to be treated?
7. Caring for XYZ  and his wife IS ministry
8. What lessons do you want those whom you choose to minister to learn from how you treat XYZ  and his wife?
9. XYZ  and his wife are children of our Living God-if I talk to you like this, what do you think God's going to say about your treatment of XYZ and his wife?
10. What reputation do you want in your own heart, your community, in God's record of your choice?
11. The perceived failings/sins, (if I'm on target) started in the HQs of your group and needs to corrected there first.
12. If you are humbled before God with these statement, don't expect HQ to be-they picked you and they talk sweetly to you until they (they now, they future) need to throw you away for a better "leader". 
13. If HQ is humbled, you are part of a miracle-it's almost never happens.
14. If HQ is not humbled, get out now before you risk your sanity, your faith, your family.
15. If you think these thoughts are absurd, put this in a safe place and write me in five years, because the same dynamics that brought you to this point with XYZ , will then be an ax over your head. 

you are all in my prayers, bill fields

Rather than continue one-way communication by responding to your email, I would like to talk.  Would you be willing to call my cell (xxx-xxx-xxxx) or give me a number I can call?  Two-way communication is always better…especially in this case.

David 

I may have read a lot into your last email that you did not intend.  It seemed to me that you drew many conclusions based on many assumptions.  You said you “could not speak to the details specific to our immediate situation”, but then did exactly that.  Maybe I misunderstood your intentions.  My concern, based on the above, is whether Peacemakers would be of any help in this circumstance.

David G. Bugher 
Executive Director 
Light of Life Rescue Mission 

Yes, that's why we have witnesses.  As to whether I'm able to help you, it seems the answer is no. My intention was to state to you what is very common in what calls itself "ministry." Your presentation is classic. I presented God's Word and the heart of Godly ministry and you didn't seem to hear it. If XYZ ever contacts me I will do the same with his side of the table.  Let me explain the Biblical definition of Peacemaking, it's the establishment or re-establishment of Godliness. I'm not interviewing for a job-I don't care if you hire me or not-I care I present Godliness and how God expects Christians  to behave-how did you miss that? How did you possibly read into my response anything more? And remember, I spoke to the details you presented on your side of the table-how does that raise your concerns?

This last email confirms that I will not talk with you nor anyone else without witnesses, you're in my prayers,  bill